The First Shinobi What?
by Tamberlin3
Summary: Konoha finds itself in dire straits a year after the fourth war, but Tsunade has a plan to turn it all around and our favorite ninja have no choice but to participate. (Not sure who main pairings will be yet)


**Went to see Twelfth Night yesterday and just had to write this, though this idea had been in my head far longer than that. I also apologize if the concept is stupid.**

 **I don't own Naruto. I haven't even finished the anime and haven't touched the manga. I don't do well with long tomes.**

* * *

Tsunade stood in the middle of an outdoor amphitheater wearing her Hokage robe and hat over her usual attire. A solemn look was on her face for the day before was the year anniversary of the fourth shinobi war. With the prior destruction of the village and subsequent gradual rebuilding, they had run out of money in order to provide a proper war memorial, as the first was - unfortunately - also decimated.

She looked at the faces of the thousands of ninja before her murmuring amongst themselves, trying to ignore their looks of disappointment. Konoha had suffered the most with the war and to many, not having a memorial to immortalize the lives of those lost in battle was unforgivable. Not that the ninja were not remembered or important - Tsunade did lose Dan and he was forever a part of her - but as Hokage, she had made a choice to make sure those who continued to live on and fight were well cared for, opting to secure funds for housing, running water etc. - Pardon her for looking out for the survivors in a time of war.

"Everybody, please… quiet down," said Shizune as she stepped up onto the amphitheater, deciding to start this meeting. She frowned as a few of the lesser known ninja still mumbled to one another.

 _ **Let's get this shit over with.**_ Tsunade slammed a hand on the podium and positioned herself in a dramatic pose, with one hand on her hip while the other pointed accusingly at the masses. "She said, SHUT UP, so SHUT THE HELL UP!"

The clearing was finally quiet at Tsunade's booming voice, save for the sound of chirping birds in the distance. The Hokage passed her first apprentice the microphone that lay on the podium.

"Thank you, Hokage-sama."

Tsunade merely nodded and waited for Shizune to start addressing the the crowd.

"Fellow shinobi and esteemed civilians," Shizune started. "We are gathered here today…"

"Is there a wedding?" Naruto asked dumbly while Shizune still introduced the Hokage.

"Shutup, temee," a newly integrated Sasuke elbowed him in the chest.

"Ouchies."

"Why don't you both shut up, idiots," said Tenten with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Come make us." Sasuke smirked. Since he had been back, he found a new pastime… quarreling with the mononymous Tenten. While Sakura and Ino were no longer into him, they annoyed the heck out of him - Ino not so much - so a witticism battle with them was out of the question. Hinata was too meek and refined to fire back in any manner that thrilled him, so that left Tenten who he had once glossed over for being boring and unremarkable… oh how wrong he was.

"Uchiha-san, you are being disrespectful…" came Hinata's voice.

Tenten nodded, "Yes, and if you long to die so much, then we have all day after this meeting."

Sasuke watched her focus her attention on the med-nin on stage and she clapped as Shizune passed the microphone back to Tsunade.

Tsunade turned her head to survey the mid-sized group of shinobi and civilians; opening her mouth then closing it to carefully think about the words she was going to use. She lazily approached the microphone and...

"You ungrateful maggots!" she started, ignoring the groan from Shizune. "You think you're the only ones hurting?"

Tenten clapped, having understood Tsunade's position after she exclaimed her motives months ago. She was probably one of the few who was disgusted how the rest of Konoha was so disappointed in her. Tsunade could only do so much.

Shizune rushed to the podium, cursing herself for not foreseeing this. She grabbed the microphone; letting out a sorry laugh in apology, "What she meant was… that this past year was poor as far as our economy goes. We have scraped up enough funds… still…"

Tsunade shoved Shizune out of the way, "It ain't enough, though, which is why I'm asking for help."

There was an outpour of rage amongst the civilians and ninja. Despite the fact that they couldn't win the war without allies, Konoha was traditionally a proud village, accepting no help from anyone on matters that concerned the village only.

Shizune made her way to the podium and narrowed her eyes at the Hokage, "You're drunk, Tsunade-sama!" she whispered.

Tsunade grinned, "I'm surprised that you're shocked by this…"

Shizune rolled her eyes, "Forgive me **Hokage-sama** ," she spat in annoyance, "But I will **not** aid and abet this trainwreck!"

Tsunade watched as Shizune grabbed Ton-ton and gracefully walked off the amphitheater. "Go on, I don't need you for what I'm gonna do next…"

Tsunade returned her attention to the angering crowd and flashed them all a look of annoyance. "ENOUGH!"

The crowd once again quieted, and Tsunade cleared her throat; preparing to speak once more.

"We've done things alone far too long. Look where that got us!"

"We can probably do a better job with the economy, ne, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked, lightly slapping Kakashi's chest over his vest to get the Jounin's attention.

Kakashi was about to respond, until a hand snatched the orange book from his grasp. He looked to the side where Shizune stood with one hand grasping his book and the other holding Ton-ton to her chest.

"I can't believe you're reading this… this… **smut** at a time like this!"

"Shizune- **chan** , give me back my book."

Anko Mitarashi slapped Kakashi over the head with the side of her palm. Her free hand removed the dango from her mouth, "Shut the **fuck** up!"

Tsunade paused in her speech and brought her hand to bring her hand over her eyes in search of the sound coming from somewhere in the middle of the crowd and off to the side.

"HEY YOU!" She yelled, finally finding the disrespectful fools. "ZIP IT!"

Naruto laughed and stood up on his toes, "Make us… 'ttebayo!"

Tenten pulled him down, not caring when he fell on his butt on the dewy grass. "Baka, she'll do it too…"

"As tempting as that sounds, I got shit I gotta say!"

"Then say it!" came a voice from the back. Tsunade peered at the back and located the person who spoke. It was a ninja of no consequence… she didn't have time to deal with an inconspicuous character.

"As I was explaining before being rudely interrupted…" she shot Naruto the evil eye. "I'm also pissed that it has been so long and there's still no memorial to mourn our fallen comrades. I had a choice to make, and you all know of my reasonings - but NO - you all wanted me to do the impossible!"

"Well… I'm attempting the impossible now. Our Konoha shinobi will throw a glorious mission in which we will be accepting financial assistance from our allies. No longer will they be allies only in times of war. They've extended their help and we're gonna milk them for everything they've got! You with me?!"

Shizune lowered her head in shame only looking up when Hinata's hand squeezed her shoulder in solidarity.

"It will be okay, Shizune-san."

"What is the mission, Hokage-sama?" asked a civilian.

"Why…" She grinned. "The First Shinobi Shakespeare Festival!"

The air was quiet for a few moments before in the quietness one could hear the exclamation of, "Shannaro!"

A ways away from Naruto and the others stood Ino and Sakura, high fiving each other. The girls were such romantics and secret thespians - not **that one** , the other one.

"'Shakespeare?'" Naruto questioned. "What's 'Shakespeare?'"

Sasuke and the rest of the shinobi around groaned. He was ready to slap Naruto in the head, but Hinata's quiet voice froze him in his tracks.

"D-despise me, if I do not. Three great ones of the city, In personal suit to make me his lieutenant, off capp'd to him: and, by the faith of man, I know my price. I am worth no worse a place: But he; as loving his own pride and p-"

Hinata was interrupted by Anko's hands on the chuunin's shoulders. "Hyuuga-san, we love you, but please stop showing off." She drawled.

"Yeah," Tenten teased. She bumped into Hinata's shoulder with her own to let the younger girl know that Tenten was joking. "We know you're more cultured than we are."

Hinata blushed.

"But Hokage-sama, surely we will become the laughing-stock of the whole shinobi world!" Iruka yelled out.

"Yeah," Genma said; his senbon gripped in his hand. "Shinobi and poetry don't mix."

"I, for one, think it's a wonderfully youthful idea!" Gai clapped. "Three cheers for Tsunade-sama!"

"Hip hip…" Gai and Lee cheered enthusiastically. Most of the crowd was less so and just groaned.

"Hip hip…"

" ***mumble* *mumble*** Two fools… ***mumble*** "

"Hip hip…"

" ***mumble***... deep end... ***mumble***... whatever."

"I will have a list of which chuunin-ranked shinobi and up will play which character. I figure we'll make more money that way."

There was a collective sigh heard from every genin in the clearing, even Sasuke and Naruto, who were technically still genin as there was no opportunity or funds for a chuunin exam after the war.

"Oh, and that means Uzumaki and Uchiha brats… you'll rake in the big bucks."

"Shit," Naruto and Sasuke said at the same time.

"Not everyone will be picked to act, but will be allowed to participate in their own way; make food… charge for lodging… sell souvenirs… gamble… sell your bodies -"

"Tsunade!" Shizune yelled angrily.

"Just a joke, Shizune," Tsunade reassured. "Do anything to get that paper." She made the universal sign for money with her hands.

"There will be a play at the end of two weeks… practice starts tomorrow at the training grounds. It's also there that I'll have the list of shinobi picked. You are all dismissed."

The crowd hadn't dispersed possibly due to their lingering shock and doubts concerning the "mission" which sounded more like it was a fundraiser.

* * *

 **Oh dear. Does Tsunade know what she has unleashed on the rest of the world? Why am I writing a new story when I have a few others to finish? Will we get the answers to those questions?**

 **Maybe... maybe not.**

 **Peace out.**


End file.
